Glad I'm not the only one.

We got the estimate on the car, total damage: $2,500.

I found this gem of an article today while reading the local news:


Deer-related crashes on the rise
The Wisconsin Department of Transportation reported that motorists in the state are most likely to first hit another vehicle, secondly a stationary object and thirdly a deer.
According to WisDOT, deer-related car crash injuries are on the rise. In 2004, 700 people were hurt or died after colliding with deer. In 1993 the number was 130 fewer. The number of deer-related injuries or deaths in 2004 was the eleventh-highest since 1979.
The highest number of injuries and deaths was 847 in 1999.
Of the 689 people injured in 2004, 73 sustained debilitating injuries.
In 2004, 11 motorcyclists comprised all of the people who died from a deer collision.
The department reports that for six years out of the last decade, the most, or second-to-most road injuries caused by deer fell in June, even though October and November are prime times for deer-related automobile accidents.
Major Dan Lonsdorf, director of the Wisconsin Sate Patrol Bureau of Transportation Safety, said in a written statement, "People need to be alert to this danger, particularly as families are getting ready for vacation traveling."
Between May and August, deer-auto crashes are more likely to transpire from 8 p.m. to midnight, according to the state DOT.
The highest number of 2004 automobile-deer collisions in a county - 1,007 - were documented in Dane County.
The DOT recommends sounding the horn to scare deer away and reducing speed. Swerving confuses the deer as to where to go, it reports. Motorcyclists should swerve if necessary to avoid hitting a deer. If a driver hits a deer, stay in the vehicle and do not touch the animal. Call law enforcement after hitting a deer.
Source: Green Bay News Chronicle

Maybe I should make my dad read this article hehe..

Night on the Town.

Well, not really a whole night, more like a couple of hours.

I was getting bored sitting at Casa de Madre. The kids were asleep and there was nothing on tv, so I decided to hit the streets. A quick survey of town showed me that half the drinking establishments were closed, but half were open. I made a strategic move, and picked one to enter.

The mission was to take a quick survey to see if I would run into anyone I knew. My first shot was a direct hit. Turns out the guy bartending was in the grade ahead of me in school, so I was able to catch up on the latest intel. There wasn't much in the way of scenery, but there were a few tourists in the bar drinking some obviously out of town drinks. Too bad they all had boyfriends. Ho hum.

Guess I'll have to do some more surveillance, and see what pops up on the radar.

Aftermath

Drove back to my dad's house today, so I could pick him up and drop the car off at the dealership so they can do the estimate tomorrow. Dad is pretty cool with it now, realizing there wasn't much I could do, especially after I showed him where the accident happened. I wanted to get out and kick the deer since it was still laying there, but decided against it.

Here are some high-res pictures of the car and the damage:


Picture 1 Picture 2

Picture 3 Picture 4 Picture 5


The first thing my dad says to me this morning is "I wish the deer would've buckled the hood, because it has some chips in the paint. It would've been nice to be able to get that replaced." Ok, damn.. last night you were pissed because I hit a deer, today you wish I'd have hit it harder?? I won't argue with his logic, it'll just give me a headache lol.

Tomorrow we'll find out the estimate on the damage and hopefully get a loaner car for me to trash. I'm going to lobby for a '05 GTO, but I won't hold my breath.

Because it wouldn't be home without a proper welcome.

Today was a decent day, until about 9:30PM. I spent a majority of the day with my dad, made a trip to good old Wal-mart so he could pick up a new TV, we cooked some chicken on the grill, then it was time for me to leave. He tells me to just take his car, because I didn't have anything to drive. So, I load the kids up in his car, and hit the road. He lives about 25 minutes from where I'm staying and I have to take a county highway to get from his place to my mother's house.

I got 4 miles out of town, and hit a deer. A decent sized one too. Trashed the driver's side front quarter panel, shattered the driver's side window, caved in the driver's side door, and put a dent just behind the driver's side door.

I have no idea what the estimate will be, but I know it won't be pretty.

Oh yeah, he's sort of pissed off right now. I'll try to take a picture or two, but he might smack me if he catches me doing it.

At least I killed that bastard.

McDonald's?

I was going to include this in my trip recap, but forgot to add it since I was so damn tired. Around lunch time yesterday, we stopped in Tuscola, Il. I had been asleep at the time, and I woke up as we hit the exit ramp. I was clearing the fog from my mind as we entered the building. It looked like a McDonald's. It smelled like a McDonald's, and the food tasted like it was from McDonald's, but something wasn't right. There was a lot of remodeling going on, and not much in the way of corporate signage. After taking a look around and seeing the other patrons in the place, it struck me. We weren't in a McDonald's. We were in MilfDonald's. I kept looking at the door to see another hottie mom with a kid, and they kept coming. There were at least 4 or 5 MILF's in the place at any given time. So apparently Tuscola has a high percentage of MILF's.

To hell with Wisconsin. I'm moving to Tuscola, Illinois LOL.

Behold, The Power of Cheese!

Alright, now that I have that out of my system. I promised this wouldn't become a cheese or (fudge)Packer blog, and I meant it.

I'll try to give you a recap of my trip.

From start to finish, 21 1/2 hours.

My brother and I hit the road Friday night at 9:30PM, like two truckers on meth. Everything was going smoothly, the kids were fast asleep and Texas was fading in the distance pretty quickly. We switched up in Texarkana and got some gas, so I decided to catch a couple hours of sleep. When I finally woke up, I woke up to this Image



The picture didn't turn out that well, but it really was a nice view. The sky was a strawberry red and it struck me enough that I was motivated to take a picture of it. Shortly after that, my kids woke up when we stopped to get gas, so of course I had to take a picture of them. You can see them here and here. There is a picture of my son hiding behind Mr. Incredible and a picture of my daughter looking not so amused LOL.

I was sad that we had driven through Arkansas in the middle of the night. We ended up passing through Hope, Arkansas which is the birthplace of President Clinton. There is a huge sign along the interstate promoting this fact. If it had been daylight, I'd have had my brother take a picture of me pissing on the sign.

Everything was pretty cool until we got to Illinois. This is when the trip started to suck a little. We had to drive from the southern tip of the state all the way to chicago. Most of this ride is though farm lands, and it's pretty boring, but it all went without a hitch. Things did end up getting interesting in Chicago.

My theory on driving through big cities is to avoid the bypass routes because everyone else is using them, thinking they are the only people smart enough to figure this out. Another part of this theory is to avoid the city all together during rush hour timeframes. We ended up hitting Chicago about 3PM and it ground to a halt. We easily lost an hour and half driving from one end of the city to the other, straight through downtown. My luck, the bypass routes were probably clear hehe.

This was our view while we waited for traffic to start flowing again.



The saving grace for this trip was that I was able to unlock the mystery surrounding female sexual satisfaction, or lack of. For years men and women have been trying to get consistent results in acheiving female orgasm. Some women claim they don't exist, some say it can only happen under certain circumstances, etc. etc. Well, apparently there is a band of terrorists at large in Chicagoland, operating under the name "Big 'O' Movers". I would assume these people are taking other people's "Big O's" and moving them to a secret location, so that you can't find your "O" when you need it. If you have lost your "O", try looking on I-94 in the vacinity of the Sears Tower. A quick note to the female readers out there: Fear not, as I have an advanced degree in spelunking. I have been known to find the "Big O" and the equally elusive "Big G" in the dark, without props or aides, and after consuming 12 or more beers.

After successfully navigating the greater Chicago area, it was a (relatively) quick 4 hour drive to my home in Wisconsin. All in all, a good trip. Too bad I have to make 2 more attempts, and I'm sure the odds are going to get worse.

Goodbye Y'all

This should be my last post from Texas. Next time I log on to the blog, it should be from the great state of Wisconsin. Home to lots of beer, a bad baseball team, and the occasional serial killer.

The transformation from a southern blog to a northern blog should be a smooth transition. Further, I declare that henceforth any potential usage of y'all will no longer be tolerated on this blog. The glorious use of "eh" will probably creep into the posts, just to keep it real.

Don't worry, this will not become a cheese or (fudge) Packer blog either. The sorry and boring topics should continue ad infinitum.

I hope everyone has a fun and safe Memorial Day weekend. In between booze and BBQ's, try to remember why you have Monday off in the first place. It's for an important reason.

I might be back online by Monday, but for sure by Tuesday.

Mark, out.

Something tells me I'm going to miss it.

I took the bus today for probably the last time. I'm glad my last trip was interesting.

I encountered a lot of interesting characters. First, there were two ladies who got on the bus with a child in tow. The one lady was wearing a t-shirt that said Worth the Wait. Meanwhile, her friend was not only (apparently-lack of ring) an unwed mother, but she looked to be about 6 months pregnant. I found this quite amusing.

Another young mother was on the bus, she had what looked to be a 1 year old and was struggling with a stroller. The kid had just gotten some shots and was really crabby and cried the whole trip. I felt bad for her because she was trying to get the kid to be quiet, but failed. It appeared the lack of control was an everyday-thing because she really seemed to be struggling with it. Maybe she was just nervous and embarrassed.

Yet another mother with child got on the bus, this time the kid was being good and didn't make a peep the whole trip. For some reason the mother looked at the kid and said "mommy needs a job. Nobody wants to hire mommy". I thought it was an odd thing to say to a 4 yr old, but it made me chuckle. The mother was wearing a black t-shirt and capri pants. The shirt said "Pimpin Aint Easy" in hot-pink letters. No wonder she can't get a job. Or perhaps it was the gigantic green, blowjob-enhancing ball on the end of her tongue ring that was keeping her out of contention for all these jobs she probably hasn't applied for.

Perhaps she was advertising. Maybe I should've made an offer.

When you could just crush a trachea....

So earlier this week I started coordinating plans to take the kids home. All was going smooth until tonight. I'm still going home, and I'm still taking my kids with me, but my ex has decided to throw a monkey wrench in my little operation.

It's not anything that will prevent me from going home, but she's starting to be a bitch about it and acting as if I'm going to leave and never bring them back. She's just doubling my stress level. It's one of those situations where it comes down to decency and point of view.

See, during the timeframe I'm taking them home it's technically not my "time" to have then. My actual, court-appointed time to have the kids starts on July 1st. Since that is the day they are leaving for Germany, decency and common sense says that I have them prior to that so that everyone can leave as scheduled since it'll probably be a year before I see them again.

But of course things have to get difficult. Now I'm going to have to leave about 12 hours later than originally planned. Not normally a big deal, except we're on a timeframe. My brother has to work on Sunday, and although we'll still get home well before he has to work, he won't get a lot of rest and relaxation before heading off to work. I'm also being dictated when to bring them back, which I'm more ok with because the kids need to be down here in case there are complications with the passports, Army paperwork, etc. She's wanting them home about 5 days earlier than I had planned on, and is even going as far as setting a deadline for which hour I have to have them back by. Normally I'd tell her to get fucked, but since I previously mentioned, I'm not exactly in compliance with the divorce decree, so I basically have to suck it up to avoid needless complications and her freaking out and getting the law involved, and then me spending a comfortable weekend in county lockup.

It's all irritating, because she's showing her true colors and acting like the cunt that she is.

As official as it can be.

So I'm pretty certain that I'm leaving for Wisconsin on Friday. My brother is down here for a visit, and the plan is to load up my kids and go home with him for a month (after I put my stuff in storage). I plan to stay home for a few weeks, then bring my kids back down here so they can leave for Germany, then drive back home for good.

I haven't told work yet, and I think I'm just going to drop it on them at the last minute. Fuck'em, they've been giving me sort of a raw deal lately anyway. This isn't going to be any sort of farewell post, and I do plan to continue blogging from Wisconsin, but I won't be adding much for the next few days as I get my things ready so that I can leave.

Another notch on the blogpost.

For reasons I can't quite explain, I failed to both mention and add Callie to my links in my last post about new blogs I've been reading. I hope that I will be forgiven.

I read her blog, and I think it's some good stuff. I haven't posted many comments, but it's one that I watch from the fringes. I almost have too many blogs to keep up with now, but I do make time to check it out, and I think you should too.

And on the 7th day, the chosen one will rise to blog again...

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 7 days since my last blog entry.

You are forgiven.

Truth be told my absence is somewhat embarrassing. Last month I upgraded to dsl service and it threw my budget a little out of whack. Full month charges, partial month charges, activation charges, etc, etc. So I was forced to live with a temporary disconnection of services.

Sorry to all who have missed me. And apparently a few people have indeed missed me. I can't tell you how good that actually makes me feel. Even though I will probably never meet some of you in real life, it makes me happy to know that people missed my writing, no matter how much it sucks. Although I'm sure I would've found something to write about, as I look back on the last week I can't think of anything that happened that was blog-worthy. I took the time away to clean some junk out of closets and that sort of thing.

As I write this, my little brother is on his way down for a visit. I can't wait to see him. I think it's been almost 2 years, and that's way to long in my opinion. I'm pretty excited about the whole affair, but it all makes me feel a little weird inside. I've never been very religious, particularly in the "God's Plan for You" department, or had much faith in destiny or fate. But some things have been happening lately that are putting me in a position for a potential return to Wisconsin permanently. You would think this would make me happy, and it does, but I've always lived with a healthy amount of skepticism and there are some loose ends that could prevent me from going home for good. These will all play out real soon and the picture should be much clearer.

Homeland Security.

I remember it pretty clearly after 8 years. I was 19 and getting ready to leave for basic training. My mother was pretty anxious about the whole affair, as any mother would be. This was in January, 1997. Before terrorism was a household topic, before rapid deployments and shoe checks at the airport. I think her worries were more of an empty-nest thing rather than a fear for my life.

I was scheduled to report to the recruiter for training on Jan. 15th and I hadn't really laid out any plans for a farewell party. I was trying to keep it pretty low key. Two days before I needed to leave, at about 8PM, I unceremoniously told my mom that I was leaving and going to spend the last couple of days with my Dad. I hadn't mentioned this before, and I think she was a little blindsided by it. And to this day I sort of feel like an ass about it because I didn't do it to spite her, I just felt a need to be be near my Dad. Three or four days later she was the first person I ended up calling though.

Dad and I had a decent relationship. He was a little hard at times, but overall we got along really well considering that most of our time spent together was on weekends and days off since Mom and Dad were divorced. I think to a certain degree that we were both attempting to reclaim some lost time and do some male bonding. My last two days in Wisconsin were spent hanging out with Dad, taking a tour of the plant he worked at, and just being together. It was fun, but I think it felt forced by both of us.

I remember feeling a rush of fear in our last half hour as my dad drove me to the bus stop. It was a pretty quiet trip because I don't think either of us knew what to say. When we pulled into the parking lot, I saw my recruiter waiting for me so I grabbed my bag and turned to look at him, but I didn't know what to say. I think he felt awkward too, but he said "I'm proud of you", although I'm not sure exactly what he was proud of, as I hadn't actually accomplished anything yet. But it was probably what I needed to hear, and I believed it when he said it. All I could muster was "thanks", gave him a hug and I hurried over to my recruiter because I thought I was going to cry.

A four hour bus ride to Milwaukee, a three hour flight to Atlanta, and a two hour bus ride to Anniston, Al and home was gone. 8 years, 1 wife, and 2 kids later, home isn't home anymore. At least not for the moment.

I miss home, as I mentioned in previous posts. I miss summers like this and winters like this. I also miss the heritage and culture you find in goats eating grass on the roof.

I'm not sure what the future holds for me. All I do know is that while my body lives in Texas, my heart lives in Wisconsin.

Welcome to the family.

Not that being listed on my blog will thrust anyone to stardom, but I'm always happy to give a little shout-out to the blogs I've been reading, particularly if I decide to add them to my links.

First up is 81 Vaginas. It's a blog written by a guy about his conquest of 81 women. Not in the dirty way you'd expect a guy to brag about it. Good writing with lots of insight. I highly recommend it.

Next up is Nonvocabulum. Another refreshing blog that I've just started reading. I love Canadian women :)

What do you think?

I read a story last night about Miami weatherman Bill Kamal, who is spending life behind bars for soliciting sex with a minor. When I initially read the story I figured they guy was as guilty as can be, but after reading the whole story I'm not so sure. I figure it's likely he was up to no good, but the pieces to this puzzle don't seem to add up, at least when you hear his side of things.

I'm curious what other people think about his story.

Boy, Interrupted.

Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Dave Chappelle has checked into a psychiatry clinic in South Africa. How weird is that, if it's true? Feeling a little down or maybe a little crazy? Hop on a trans-atlantic flight for about 6 hours to go seek treament!

So now it's the Laughing Academy.

Last week it was (take your pick) cold feet or a drug bender. I hope Dave gets his shit together, and does it quickly. His show is pretty damn funny and they are about to release his second season on DVD.

Plus there's that little obligation when one signs a $50 million dollar deal.

Some Soul Food.

No, not that kind of soul food.

Activity: Self Evaluation. Mood: Melancholy/Introspection.

Something I've stayed away from on this blog, until now, is the crossroads I'm about to encounter. Work is so-so. It could be better and it certainly could be a lot worse. No doubt it's playing a factor in my mood, but it's not the driving force.

It's the kids.

My two kids live with their mother in the same town as me, and I see them regularly. Just about every weekend. And that's all about to change. My ex is remarried, to a guy on active duty in the Army, and he recently received orders to do a tour in Germany for 3 years. So we're going from a every weekend/every other weekend visitation schedule to having them for the summers. At least I won't be going a couple of years without seeing them.

It still makes me sad though. They are 5 & 6, and this is the age where you can really make an impression on them. The age where you really start to understand what is right and what is wrong, how to be a good citizen, and things like that. I feel like I'm going to be missing out on all of that. It makes me angry. In the end my wife and I didn't see eye-to-eye, but I'll give her this much: she's a good mother in terms of caring for the kids. I know that even though I'm not there, the kids will always be #1. The part that worries me though is her values. We don't always agree there, but fortunately the kids won't be in Germany when it comes to teaching them about life's lessons.

Worst of all, I feel like I'm going to disappoint them, or make them feel like I'm the one leaving them. Silly thought to be sure, but not when you think about it coming from two youngsters moving to a country where they can't understand what people are saying. Hopefully when they are older, they will understand what happened and not hold it against me.

Thinking about it makes my chest tight.

There is nothing to see here, move along.

I'm encountering a bit of writer's block the last couple of days. I'd really like to publish something new or funny (for a change) but the words aren't flowing tonight.

Maybe it's because it's laundry night.

Maybe it's because my house is a mess.

Maybe it's because I'm tired.

Or maybe I just suck.

Since I don't have anything new or exciting to talk about, you should NOT hit "next blog" and stick around for a bit. Check out some past entries, hit up some of my links. Have a grand 'ole time.

You could send me some nude pics if you want. That would be cool. But only if you're female. Guys should refrain from such activities.

The end is here.

For the weekend, anyway.

Worked on Saturday, that pretty much sucked. Sunday was spent being as unproductive as possible, surfing the net, reading blogs, playing some playstation. I'm sure I'll pay for that laziness later this week.

Anyway, did an update on the politics blog. I added two links to other blogs I've been reading. Might tackle another hot button later this week, I've been uninspired lately.

Winning Picture

As promised, here is the winner of the MS Paint-off from Digitalicat's blog.

The winning picture was drawn by Blog Kris. The guy has some real talent and an entertaining blog. I recommend that you go check it out.

You know, it really doesn't get much better than this.

3 chicks arguing about a NASCAR race. Ok, 2 arguing and one doing something but I'm not sure what.

Feel free to pick a side and join the fun!

When a little of nothing is better than a lot of something

Today was one of those weird days.

Woke up at 5:15 to some piercing pain in my shoulder. I had a pinched nerve or whatever and it hurt like hell for about an hour and a half. It felt like I had been stabbed or shot. Now, I didn't wake up and think "oh damn, my shoulder hurts". I woke up because of the pain. And it still hurts.

I managed to get to work on time, although every part of my concious was telling me to use the pain in my shoulder as an excuse to take the day off. Nope, can't do that.. gotta make sure I make some good sales today. Ended up finishing the day 130% to quota. Not too shabby.

Got home from work and started night #3 of working on Karma's blog. Almost got it how she wants it, but still need to make a few changes that I haven't figured out yet. Got pissed and gave up for the night after about 2 hours of steady work on it.

Looking around the apartment as I write this, I know I should get off the PC and pick up the place, but I don't want to. The mess will be there for me to pick up tomorrow night.

Hope everyone had a great Cinco de Drinko!

Word, to your (Court Appointed) Mutha

No filibuster was going to hold me back.

That's right, I've been appointed as a Judge. Ok, not a real judge.. but I do have partial control of a contest where many people's pride hangs in the balance.

Thanks Digitalicat. As an added bonus, I will post the winner's work on my blog, so my 7 readers can enjoy it. Even though you told me last night that I would be a judge I am strangely more excited about it tonight. Perhaps it's the thought authoritarian rule and of me in a black robe mixing with my strange fetish for all things Sith.

Shout Outs.

Some new additions to various link sections of the blog.

Putfile A website where you can load a video clip in order to get a URL for posting. Easy to use, no need for a membership or anything like that.

All About Me. Well, not me... but her. A Canadian chica. Nice blog I actually found by doing the "next blog" thing.

Memoirs of a Monster. Darth Vader's Blog. Not another fanboy site, it actually has good writing and it's all original as far as I know. Yeah, I'm a starwars geek. Go fug yourself.

Pink is the New Blog. Funny commentary on the celebs you love to bash.

Post Secret. You mail your secrets to this person, and if they make the cut, your secret will get posted for the world to see.

Funny Stuff

Check out this car commerical. Make sure you have your speakers turned on, there is a good voice-over at the end.

Hope you enjoy it, it had me rolling!

Bloggin Blues

So it appears I have about 7-10 loyal readers, and many thanks to each and every one of you. As I've said in previous entries I didn't create this blog with the expectation that many would actually read it, but it would be cool if I had a platoon of minions instead of a squad.

With that in mind I set out to view some unrelated blogs by clicking "next blog" in the upper right hand corner. Because as I'm sure you're aware fellas, when trying to get some action from your lady-friend, sometimes you have to give a little to get a little. Unless she's a total slut, in which case you've got to play it by a different set of rules, but I'm getting off topic.

I ran into total frustration almost immediately, but I tried to stay the course. Quickly it became a lost cause.

I hate blogs that are about one topic, but not different posts about the same topic. I'm sure you've all seen them before. They have a title such as Rentals in Orange County. The first post will again say Rentals in Orange County, but it'll be hyperlinked to a real estate company, but every post after that is just:

Rentals in Orange County
Rentals in Orange County
Rentals in Orange County
Rentals in Orange County
Rentals in Orange County

and so on, forever and ever. These type of blogs show such little creativity it's just disgusting and cheap. Why not take out some ads with google and get some real exposure? Honestly, would you really buy property from someone who advertises on blogger? I wouldn't.

Another thing I hate are blogs I can't read. The whole multi-national feel of blogger is sort of cool, I just wish I could sort by language if I wanted to.

Blogs written by under-15 girls should be banned like an outlawed book in 1930's Germany. Or at least given their own seperate fiefdom in blogger. I'm sure they provide as much value to them as mine does for me, but obviously I'm not interested in what they have to say. I'm sure they aren't interested in what I have to say either. Another reason for search filters?

Blogs with massive layout problems irritate me as well. Now, I had some problems with my template a while back, but my whole life outside of blogger ceased to exist until I got it fixed. Take some pride in your work people!

The bottom line is I spent about 40 minutes surfing various blogs, found a couple that had a post or two worth reading, but nothing I found enough interest in to leave comment. Ho hum. Maybe if I put some porn (non homemade variety) I'll get some more action to the site. Speaking of porn, that's another complaint. I'm not finding enough good looking women losing their clothes on their blog. This needs to be fixed promptly.